The Professor continued: "The same year Thee Priory was founded, four performance-art weirdos from Hebden Bridge moved to Dalston, which is in London", he added for the benefit of American readers. "They formed a highly transgressive and controversial electro-skiffle band called Wobbly Sausage - you may have heard about their infamous debut performance at the tea rooms in Fortnum & Mason, in which they sellotaped photos of Myra Hindley's face onto naked girls cut out of Razzle and everyone who saw them instantly exploded into a fleshy mist from sheer outrage. The lead vocalist and kazoo player calls himself Exodus B-Ranflakes and has had cosmetic surgery to make himself indistinguishable from Barbara Windsor" he went on, expositively.
"Zat is all fery well, but what does it 'ave to do wiz my poor meurdeured grandpere?" enquired Sexine, sadly. Ben Drown glanced over at her and started weighing up his chances of getting an easy pork while she was in this confused, distraught state. Then he remembered she was a French chick and who knows what goes on in their heads, I mean seriously? Sheesh.
"I was coming to that", replied the Professor. "Wobbly Sausage was originally affiliated with Thee Priory, as they shared similar views about musical eschatology. But in the early '80s there was an ideological rift when the Sausages declared war on everything, including themselves, and Thee Priory decided it had had enough to do with mad white cunts and told them to fuck off. Subsequent schisms led to the breakup of the band, and recently B-Ranflakes has excommunicated his own left leg because of its laughably mainstream interpretation of the Rite of Thoth. I suspect a former member of the group - possibly B-Ranflakes's other leg - is behind both your grandfather's murder and this mixtape of godawful shite that's doing the rounds at the moment and is apparently making kids' heads explode," he finished, nicely tying up this thread with the other stuff, Drown noted.
"Zat is all fery well, but what does it 'ave to do wiz my poor meurdeured grandpere?" enquired Sexine, sadly. Ben Drown glanced over at her and started weighing up his chances of getting an easy pork while she was in this confused, distraught state. Then he remembered she was a French chick and who knows what goes on in their heads, I mean seriously? Sheesh.
"I was coming to that", replied the Professor. "Wobbly Sausage was originally affiliated with Thee Priory, as they shared similar views about musical eschatology. But in the early '80s there was an ideological rift when the Sausages declared war on everything, including themselves, and Thee Priory decided it had had enough to do with mad white cunts and told them to fuck off. Subsequent schisms led to the breakup of the band, and recently B-Ranflakes has excommunicated his own left leg because of its laughably mainstream interpretation of the Rite of Thoth. I suspect a former member of the group - possibly B-Ranflakes's other leg - is behind both your grandfather's murder and this mixtape of godawful shite that's doing the rounds at the moment and is apparently making kids' heads explode," he finished, nicely tying up this thread with the other stuff, Drown noted.
